I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
