What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
