Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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