I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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