I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
