I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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