I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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