I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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