Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
