Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His hands were made for my vagina.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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