dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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