you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
