I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
