Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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