Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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