dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
