Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My vagina is very pro this idea
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
