we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
