Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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