Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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