I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize