Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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