I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
