You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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