New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
