She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize