Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
