No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
