I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
