idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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