My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
