New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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