how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
