We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize