In the future we'll all be gay
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
