I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize