The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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