If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
