and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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