I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
