my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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