Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
