I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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