Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
