I'm drive I can fine osifer
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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