I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
