Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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