R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
