He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
