I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
