Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sponge bath it is.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
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Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
the raccoons are back...
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