Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
