i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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