wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
