I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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