I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
