I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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