you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
