i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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