I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize