apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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