I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
