Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize