We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The power of my boobs compel you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
