Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.

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  (631): New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled. http://tfl.nu/1807
  Replies (164) Good night (9258) Bad night (1015)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.

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  (516): Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door. http://tfl.nu/5od7
  Replies (11) Good night (4541) Bad night (686)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt

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  (617): He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt http://tfl.nu/0t60
  Replies (45) Good night (4830) Bad night (1637)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."

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  (403): During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch." http://tfl.nu/35ko
  Replies (29) Good night (1238) Bad night (4573)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  eww mummy girl is here...

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.

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  (708): eww mummy girl is here... (931): what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals. http://tfl.nu/7ng0
  Replies (4) Good night (1157) Bad night (4084)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.

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  (+61): When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back. http://tfl.nu/58ah
  Replies (35) Good night (1242) Bad night (7435)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  The strip club called, they have your shoe.

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  (910): The strip club called, they have your shoe. http://tfl.nu/kbp6
  Replies (13) Good night (3877) Bad night (934)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.

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  (814): Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral. http://tfl.nu/7qfs
  Replies (5) Good night (1591) Bad night (953)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people

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  (402): You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people http://tfl.nu/4rzl
  Replies (8) Good night (1984) Bad night (765)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.

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  (517): winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito. http://tfl.nu/1g88
  Replies (15) Good night (2067) Bad night (655)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?

  (903): View more from Texas

  I would peed on everything

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  (361): WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM? (903): I would peed on everything http://tfl.nu/6qp3
  Replies (4) Good night (533) Bad night (656)
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  (19): View more from

  Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection

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  (19): Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection http://tfl.nu/jg8t
  Replies (1) Good night (891) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.

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  (512): He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever. http://tfl.nu/bmne
  Replies (1) Good night (870) Bad night (373)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.

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  (703): Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great. http://tfl.nu/va0w
  Replies (0) Good night (372) Bad night (194)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.

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  (727): If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs. http://tfl.nu/plpw
  Replies (2) Good night (376) Bad night (278)

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