I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god