im six kinds of drunk right now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no