Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed

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  (732): i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed http://tfl.nu/l1mh
  Replies (17) Good night (1064) Bad night (3488)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.

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  (715): All I want for christmas is my sobriety back. http://tfl.nu/wb57
  Replies (8) Good night (799) Bad night (2962)
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  (914): View more from New York

  After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...

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  (914): After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories... http://tfl.nu/40wb
  Replies (13) Good night (3303) Bad night (1190)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.

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  (318): I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away. http://tfl.nu/8l4v
  Replies (21) Good night (1394) Bad night (5478)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"

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  (620): It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish" http://tfl.nu/scbq
  Replies (21) Good night (1564) Bad night (5558)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!

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  (317): My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA! http://tfl.nu/e6nv
  Replies (28) Good night (1586) Bad night (3778)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.

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  (518): I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred. http://tfl.nu/3k1m
  Replies (11) Good night (3748) Bad night (763)
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  (510): View more from California

  Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.

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  (510): Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day. http://tfl.nu/kbev
  Replies (7) Good night (1392) Bad night (2614)
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  (510): View more from California

  I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.

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  (510): I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life. http://tfl.nu/v2uu
  Replies (5) Good night (1124) Bad night (2664)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.

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  (314): Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them. http://tfl.nu/ibul
  Replies (5) Good night (3399) Bad night (552)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.

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  (251): How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern. http://tfl.nu/mfwl
  Replies (17) Good night (2234) Bad night (779)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"

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  (630): you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE" http://tfl.nu/9i9s
  Replies (2) Good night (669) Bad night (350)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises

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  (519): Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises http://tfl.nu/10cn
  Replies (1) Good night (624) Bad night (505)
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  (831): View more from California

  my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.

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  (831): my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate. http://tfl.nu/8t7a
  Replies (1) Good night (621) Bad night (257)
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  (818): View more from California

  Tell me how you feel about belly buttons

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  (818): Tell me how you feel about belly buttons http://tfl.nu/4apq
  Replies (3) Good night (359) Bad night (274)

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