She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We need a shit load of segways right now
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month