these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.