P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.