D3 body, D1 cock
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am