woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake