What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW