They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
