Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize