matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
